Doing you, while raising them
Motherhood is one of those life experiences that no one can truly prepare you for. It’s impossible to fully grasp everything it entails until you’re living it. There’s so much that mothers do - day in and day out - that goes unseen and unheard to those who haven’t walked in our shoes.
At some point, most mums will go through a season of identity loss. You get so focused on learning the ropes of mum life that, without even realising it, you start to lose touch with yourself. You neglect your own needs and forget the person you were before you became “Mum.”
Notice I said a season. I don’t believe this should be a permanent state of being. Of course, the length of this season looks different for everyone. For me, it lasted eight years. Eight years before I finally snapped out of the “new mum trance” and began rediscovering myself - not the old me, because she was a completely different version of who I am today. Back then, I was childless, carefree, naive, and honestly, a little reckless. The “new me” had to be rebuilt from the ground up.
Rediscovering myself meant exploring new hobbies, figuring out what I liked and disliked, and spending time with myself outside of my role as a mum. Because here’s the truth: Mum is what I do, but it’s not who I am. I was a whole individual with my own interests, passions, and talents before I became a mum. And long after my son has grown up and flown the nest, I’ll still be someone other than “Mum.” That’s why I’m a firm believer in not making your children the centre of your world.
Now, don’t get me wrong-love them fiercely. Nurture them. Give them the best childhood you can provide and equip them to grow into kind, well-rounded adults. But while you’re pouring into them, don’t forget to pour into yourself too. Enjoy your hobbies. Prioritise your rest and wellness - even if it means saying “not today” every now and then. Take the time to invest in your own growth and happiness. Because the best mums, in my opinion, are the ones who take care of themselves just as much as they take care of their little ones.
So, to every mum reading this: don’t lose yourself to motherhood. The balance may not always be perfect, but it’s worth striving for. Remember to do you while raising them.
Here are 10 ways you can do you while raising them:
Schedule “Me Time” Like It’s a Date with Yourself
Sis, life is busy, but you have to show up for YOU too. Block out time in your calendar for self-care - whether it’s catching up on a book, taking a long bath, or just vibing to your favourite playlist. Make it a priority, not a luxury.Set Boundaries, Mama
Saying “no” isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation. If you’re running on empty, it’s okay to turn down that extra request or say “not today” to social events. Protect your peace and know that you can’t be everything to everyone.Create a Self-Care Routine That’s Just For You
Whether it’s a morning skincare ritual or winding down with your favourite tea, carve out moments to nurture yourself. These small acts remind you that you’re more than just mum; you’re YOU, and you deserve to feel good.Revisit Your Hobbies
Remember the things that light you up before motherhood? Make space for them again. Whether it’s dancing, painting, or journaling, find time to reconnect with what makes you feel alive. Your passions are part of your essence, mama- don’t lose them.Ask for Help When You Need It
Don’t be afraid to lean on your village. Whether it’s your partner, a friend, or family, it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to do it all alone - trust me, asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.Prioritise Rest, No Matter What
You’re no good to anyone if you’re burnt out. Rest is non-negotiable. Don’t feel guilty for getting some sleep or chilling on the couch. Your mind, body, and soul need it to function at their best.Teach Your Kids About Self-Love
Show your little ones that taking care of yourself isn’t just okay - it’s necessary. When you prioritise your well-being, you teach them the importance of boundaries, self-respect, and loving themselves too.Celebrate the Small Wins
Sis, celebrate everything! Whether it’s sticking to your self-care routine or simply surviving a crazy day, give yourself credit. You’re doing an amazing job, and those little victories deserve recognition.Make Time for Your Own Mental Clarity
Life can get overwhelming, so take moments throughout the day to reset and clear your mind. Whether it’s a quick walk, journaling, or simply sitting in silence, giving yourself space to breathe and think helps you stay grounded. Mental clarity isn’t a luxury; it’s necessary for your well-being and ability to handle everything life throws your way.
Let Go of the Guilt
Stop feeling guilty for taking time for yourself. You deserve it, period. A happy, healthy, and well-rested mama is the best gift you can give your family.
